Although he may have retired from 60 Minutes, the words of Andy Rooney are still worth enjoying.
- Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on greens.
- Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make easier do not need to be done.
- Death is a distant rumor to the young.
- Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
- Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
- Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
- I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
- I don't like food that is too carefully arranged; it makes you think that the chef is spending too much time on arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
- If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
- Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
- Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
- People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.
- The average dog is nicer than the average person.
- The only people who say worse things about politicians than reporters do are other politicians.
- Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
- We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
- All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
- I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
- If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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