If Jesus Was An American

Periodically, I hear Jesus' name mentioned by politicians and political pundits who love to claim if he were alive today, Jesus would be a member of their political party. In their ignorance, they assume if Jesus were alive today, he would be an American. At any rate, I thought I would weigh in with my thoughts on the matter and tell you where I think Jesus would stand on the issues we face today.

Let's assume, for argument's sake, if he were alive today, Jesus would be an American citizen. How would he feel about our country?

For starters, would Jesus be part of the ninety-nine percent or one percent? I believe he would be part of the one percent. Jesus would be far wealthier than the average American if he had any desire to spread his message. In today's world, if you do not have money, or access to someone else's money, your voice goes unheard. I believe Jesus would make full use of today's technology. He would tweet away every chance he got. He would also appear on as many television news and talk shows spreading his message of love for all. He would command large sums of money to speak at universities or private functions. There would be a slew of books authored by him in which his sermons would appear and you could go into any Wal Mart or Target and buy his line of apparel which would be splashed with his message. Finally, his web site would be among the most, if not the most, viewed web sites on the planet allowing him to not only spread his word but to bring in millions of dollars every month.

In this regard, Jesus would not be much different than Oprah, Rush, or any other well know personality who seems to pop up everywhere. However, I also believe that with this wealth, Jesus would use that money for the betterment of all mankind rather than sinking it into get rich quick scams that add to his wealth while bilking innocent people of their hard earned money.

I also believe Jesus would be outraged over the number of Americans who live a glutenous life, both rich and poor, while others around the world starve. He would not like seeing a nation as wealthy as ours fail to deliver affordable health care to its citizens or to the citizens in other nations. I believe he would tell our citizens who make a life of living off of the welfare system to get off their butts and start contributing to our society rather than bleeding it dry.

Jesus would have little positive to say to those who do not vote but are quick to complain about the job their leaders do. While he would sympathize with the occupy protesters, he would also remind them there are plenty of jobs that need doing in this country if they can swallow their pride and do the dirty work that seems to to only be done by illegals or go undone.

I also think Jesus would be troubled by people who claim it is okay to bring harm to those who provide abortions while doing little to curb the number of people killed each year by hand guns or assault weapons. He would tell us it does not take a village to raise a child if that child has parents who put him before their career goals or material desires. Jesus would look at our schools and ask our leaders how can they expect so much from our children when few expectations were placed on them when they were young.

And in the end, Jesus would deliver a simple message, one that is easy to follow but all too often lost in a world made complicated by leaders who fail more than they succeed. He would simply tell all of us, male or female, young or old, rich or poor, black or white, to treat one another the way you want to be treated in return.

However, I also believe if Jesus were alive and living in America today, he would not live to see old age. You see, we have had plenty of others deliver a message of love and hope who have all to often been struck down too soon. Do the names Martin, Bobby or John ring a bell?

The world we live in can seem like a crazy place but it does not have to be. All we need is to live life by the golden rule and the rest will take care of itself. It was that way 2,000 years ago when Jesus first graced this planet and can be that way today if we allow it to happen.

Take Me Out To The Ball Game? No Thanks

I used to be a fan of the San Francisco Forty-niners but they lost me after eight years of crap. I did not bother to watch their Monday Night victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers and know it will take a lot more than one winning season to bring me back into the fold. I want to see how they do next year when they have to play a first place schedule for a year or two rather than this year's last place schedule. In fact, I am to the point where the off season of any sport is more enjoyable than the actual season.

The Boston Celtics, another team I used to follow passionately, also no longer interest me. I really lack any interest in the coming NBA season. I actually liked what I saw out of Boston's Jeff Green last year but now he is done for the season and perhaps forever. Here is a tip to Celtics General Manager Danny Ainge: The next time you sign a guy like Green to a one year nine million dollar contract, try making it contingent on passing a team physical. You now get to pay him to have heart surgery. If it is successful and he can resume his career next year, he will be a free agent again and maybe then you can sign him for 20 million. Brilliant move.

I stopped following baseball when they went on strike some time in the 80's. That sport is another one where the regular season is a waste of time. Six months of ESPN highlights of guys on steroids hitting home runs or players on speed making acrobatic catches gets old real fast. So does the obligatory nightly replay of a team mascot in an argument with an umpire and getting tossed out of the game. And to think, baseball wants to expand the playoffs because they think it will make the regular season more relevant. Maybe if you are a fantasy geek but the more teams that make the playoffs just makes the 162 regular season games less important in my opinion.

NCAA basketball is another sport with a pointless regular season. Just put every school in the frickin tournament and let the winner choke the life out of Dick Vitale. I will give them credit. At least they have a national champion based on a playoff system. However, how many years do we have to listen to talking heads spout off about Cinderella and her glass slipper? It's basketball. The players where free 200 dollar Nike shoes and shorts that hang down to their ankles. Every coach is a quality guy who really cares about his players and their education until another school offers him more money.

Maybe I should go back to watching the National Hockey League. Again, another pointless season with too many teams making the playoffs. Only now, we get to watch guys with scrambled brains play the game. It turns out hockey players receive more concussions than football players. Hmmm. I wonder if they are caused by the ice, the tiny helmets they wear, or the fact that they have been playing the sport since they fell out of their Canadian mother's womb? I love the missing teeth. That has to be a real turn on to the women and I am sure it is just a matter of time before the look catches on with the general public.

NCAA football is just the opposite. They actually have an exciting season and I enjoy watching the televised games. Too bad their post season is the most pointless thing on the planet. I am hoping that USC's Matt Barkley decides to come back for his senior year rather than joining the No Fun League where he can legally get paid to play a game. Am I the only one who has no interest in the Dell Computer Poinsettia Pubic Hair Bowl or whatever other bowl game they come up with? What can be more fun than watching a bowl game that amounts to nothing more than an exhibition game coached by interim coaches because the participating schools have either already fired their coach or lost him to another college?

And forget about any sport where female athletes are the participants unless it is beach volleyball. Let's face it, that's all us guys care about when it comes to women's sports. We want to see them get all hot and sweaty and live for the hope of a wardrobe malfunction. However, if that were to happen, we would probably be shocked to see that woman we were perving over sporting a three inch boner as a result of all the PED's she has been doing. You see, female athletes cheat just like males.

Okay, there is still high school sports. They provide affordable fun for the entire family, right? The last high school basketball game I attended was at Hemet High School a few years ago. The school had to call for a squad of sheriffs to break up a fight between rival groups that attended the game. You couldn't leave the gym because the combatants did not have enough sense to take their fight across the street. No, they had to brawl right outside the main exit in the school's hallway. If I wanted that as part of my sports viewing experience, I'd go to a Raider game.

I think this winter vacation, rather than watching sports on television or attending an actual game, I will just take out my old electric football set and play a game between the Packers and the Jets. By the time I set up the offenses and defenses, run the plays with all the stopping and starting of the on off switch, I figure I can get in about 20 to 25 plays a day. At that rate, I may actually squeeze in two games during vacation. Best of all, I will have the best seat in the house, can drink all the cheap beer I want, won't have to worry about work stoppages, will enjoy the free parking, and know that I won't get beat into a coma by rival fans.

If, as many people say, sports is a reflection of our society, then like everything else, it is in need of major repair.

Meet The Real Republicans

The Republican party has shown Americans what it really stands for recently and for most of us, it isn't pretty. There is a reason why Newt Gingrich is their front runner and will remain so unless he does something really stupid.

To show what Republicans really represent, lets begin by looking at those who wish they were the front runner.

First, there is Mitt Romney, a former governor who has experienced great success in both government and the private sector and who for a long time was the Republican front runner. It is hard to imagine why republicans would not want Romney as their choice to square off with President Obama. He has no skeletons in his closet or they would have come out by now and he has been happily married to one woman and raised a family any parent would be proud to show off. Sure, he is labeled a flip flopper, which may be true but then again, it may also show that he maintains enough of an open mind to know when and why to change his positions. Besides, if you look at most candidates, you can find some position they have changed on and could call them a flip flopper too.

Romney is not the choice of the big money wing of the Republican Party -- Christian Fundamentalists -- because they do not want to see a Mormon in the White House. It is that simple. If Romney were a Catholic or Protestant he would be a shoe in for the party nomination.

"That's not true," is the cry of Republicans. They claim to be an open minded party and love reminding us they are the party of Abraham Lincoln. That may have once been true but they more closely resemble the party of the Taliban with their hatred of anything that goes against their Christian beliefs and the Book of Mormon is right up their with the Koran on their burn list.

So Romney is out.

Why not Herman Cain? Okay, he has suspended his campaign amid allegations of a long time affair and reports of sexual harassment dating back to the nineties. I am not sure why this is a big deal to a political party who is supporting a guy on his third marriage and who actually left one wife after she was diagnosed with cancer. However, that is no big deal to republicans because A) Newt claims to have since come back to his Christian faith in the process of getting his life back in order, and B) Newt is not black.

"Wrong again," claim Republicans. "Newt is one of the smartest and most articulate politicians out there and that is what makes him our guy."

I will admit, Newt is quite intelligent and well spoken and seems to be the only candidate who actually answers the questions he is asked in debates rather than just rattling off talking points. However, if you ever listen to John Huntsman, you would find him just as intelligent and well spoken as Gingrich and he has served as a governor and government representative to several nations. Oh, but wait, he is also a Mormon so scratch him off the list of the party of the open minded.

Republicans could go with Governor Rick Perry of Texas but lets admit it, he is down right stupid. For this, I applaud the Republican Party for not backing a guy who continually reminds us he is the commander and chief of 20,000 troops. The Texas governor should have locked up the nomination by now but every time he opens his mouth in a debate he proves to us his predecessor, George W. Bush, was a rocket scientist compared to him.

Alright, so no Mormons, no blacks, and no stupid Texans. Well, how about an older guy like Ron Paul? "Not a chance," says Republicans. "We don't need some geezer who speaks his mind and breaks with the party line like he does." They're right. If they did, they could just run John McCain again and save money on campaign posters in the process.

Hey, how about running a female as your candidate? "Just as long as it is not Sarah Palin," you say. Actually, Republicans like Palin but lets face it, her priorities are focused on herself and her bank account. She can't afford to be the president. Besides, she does not have the kind of family you want to show off to the country. "Let's keep her on FOX where she can serve as a better looking Rush Limbaugh."

That leaves Republicans with Michelle Bachman, who for some reason, even they find to be a crazy lady. The only other viable female candidate the party has to offer is Condoleezza Rice but we all know wealthy, white, Christian males don't want to see an intelligent black woman calling the shots.

Okay, so no blacks, no females, no Mormons, no independent thinkers, and no stupid Texans. That just leaves Newt or Rick Santorum to choose from.

Newt has years of experience working in congress and has since gone on to make millions of dollars off of his "consulting" expertise. He knows how the game is played in Washington D.C. and will ensure the money wing of the Republican Party stays satisfied. He also will not hesitate to use our military in more pointless wars while insisting taxes do not need raising when there are plenty of programs left to cut.

Rick Santorum just hasn't been around long enough to master all that Newt has so I predict Republicans will run a Gingrich/Santorum ticket with the hope Newt mentors Rick as well as Obe Won mentored Luke in Star Wars. Together, in the ideal world of the Republican Party, they will lead our nation for sixteen years and guide us to the kind of greatness that only a real Republicans can appreciate; the kind that continues to benefit the one percent at the expense of the rest of the nation.